Here Today, Gone Tomorrow…Like Praying

Flag and soldiers.

Flag and soldiers.

How many times do we have to hear, “today might be your last day”? How many times are we reminded to tell our loved ones how much they mean to us and to verbally acknowledge our love daily? This weekend, we are once again a witness to the tragedies of life that are real and that we are not immune from. Over one hundred people lost their opportunity to say or to hear I LOVE YOU ever again. In the city of LOVE, Paris, France, evil once again slapped us out of our stupor and reminded us that life is precious, life has a meaning, and we are not in control; we humans can not do this alone and we are now begging for mercy.

To whom are we asking to give us this benevolent gift? Political leaders who just days ago denounced prayer in public buildings, laughed at a tiny red cup controversy, are now asking us to pray and telling the world we are praying for them! We are? It’s ok now?  I thought we weren’t allowed to pray? I thought praying was offensive and hurt the freedom of those who choose not to believe in a higher power? But…but…wait! Now it’s cool to pray? Now we look like a kinder and a more compassionate people if we bow our heads and have a moment of silence? Can somebody tell me how long this fashion trend will last? Overnight, along with the “man bun” it is now correct, elite, sophisticated, and trendy to pray… to…once again, who? I’m confused. This country’s rule book has so many amendments; the margins are so crowded with notes and references that I can’t deceiver the actual text.

Bowing our heads is a symbol of humility. We are recognizing that we are willing to be schooled. We are physically demonstrating that we are on a lower level of greatness. We bow our heads, close our eyes, close our mouths, and  then what? The act of asking a crowd to be silent and to ponder on an event has what purpose? For a few weeks it will be politically correct to post the command, “Pray for Paris” on social media. Next week, we will be told to keep our religion to ourselves.

For just one week would you mind, would it be ok, if we once again asked our children to place their hands over their hearts and repeat, “I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation, UNDER GOD,  indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.” Just for a few days maybe, could we leave God in our pledge to love our country and to stand united? It’s cool now you know.

We would look pretty outstanding to the rest of the world, don’t you think? I like man buns, it’s a look that goes back thousands of years actually. I think it was first revealed in Asia like so many other fashion trends that we in America adopt and then make our own. What could be sexier than a man praying with a man bun? That is what’s it’s all about right? Looking like we are doing something? Like so many fashion trends, this is a look that we have already done. Like fur vests, bell bottoms, yellow ribbons, flags flown on everything, statements like, “a nation in mourning, a nation of compassion and unity” yeah, yeah, did that, been there.

NEW YORK - SEPTEMBER 11: (EDITORIAL USE ONLY - NO COMMERCIAL SALES) Firefighters raise a U.S. flag at the site of the World Trade Center after two hijacked commercial airliners were flown into the buildings September 11, 2001 in New York.  (Photo by 2001 The Record (Bergen Co. NJ)/Getty Images)

NEW YORK – SEPTEMBER 11: (EDITORIAL USE ONLY – NO COMMERCIAL SALES) Firefighters raise a U.S. flag at the site of the World Trade Center after two hijacked commercial airliners were flown into the buildings September 11, 2001 in New York. (Photo by 2001 The Record (Bergen Co. NJ)/Getty Images)

Maybe this trend will stick around longer than fourteen years.

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Change Is Good! 

As my program grows, so too must the media! I wanted to let all of you know that my posts will now be found on http://www.heavenandnot.com. It’s an easy transition I hope. Stay along for more fun, information, and necessary chatter!

Love to all!

Rene’

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Breaking The DREADED Drama Triangle

Problems in life are often met with anxiety. We may have a physical reaction, anger, shock, flight or fight. How we handle our life challenges often put us on a path of happiness or constant conflict. My guest today, Diane Dennis, explained a path that we can all take that will change our habits, break our repetitive conflict patterns and make life so much easier.

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Diane is president and founder of Inspired Media Communications, a multi-media PR firm. Clients include world renowned and best-selling authors Harville Hendrix, PhD, and Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD., Douglas E. Noll, J.D., and Imago Relationship International. Some Inspired Media local clients include Portland Relationship Center, Creative Compounds, Aesthetic Medicine, authors, financial firms, technology innovators and media personalities. Besides PR, Diane is a sought after speaker and trainer, and a certified trainer for TED* (The Empowerment Dynamic).

The three roles that make up the triangle are victim, persecutor, and rescuer. On the website for The Empowerment Dynamic program, developed by David Emerald,we can read the description for each role. “Victims feel powerless and at the mercy of life’s events and may avoid taking responsibility for their actions, finding it easier to blame others or their circumstances. Persecutors must win and convince others that they are right. They have little compassion for another perspective or way of doing things. Their universe has often been a chaotic, insecure place at some time in their early life, so they developed controlling life strategies to survive and minimize the uncertainty they feel. The last role in the drama triangle is Rescuer. By fixing and saving others, a Rescuer believes others will appreciate and value them for their good deeds. Rescuers feel an obligation and urgency to change or fix, in their view, what is not going well.”

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So what is the answer? Listen to Diane as she describes how to reverse these roles and give us back the power to change the stories we continually tell ourselves, forgive others, and find resolutions and happiness.

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Nostalgic Reflection on Parenting

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I truly believe that this surge in parenting advice coming from books and mommy blogs is a scheme derived directly from a non-sectarian form of Al-Qaeda. It stems from a group of control freaks who lack enough children. Say what? I truly mean this. If you have more children than you have hands, you have to let go of control. If your children equal your arm count, and they are female, you can grab and hold tight at all times, you may feel gloriously in control. You may be inclined to give advice to other parents because it seems so easy. If you accidentally or on purpose possess more than two, you soon realize you don’t, can’t, won’t control many things. You have to let your children fall down, climb up, play, explore, make mistakes, be tired, be hungry, because you are too out numbered to micro manage. Mother’s before 1990 weren’t surprised after giving birth that they were tired all the time. They didn’t have to learn it from Oprah, they already knew. They had been awakened themselves from their siblings and maybe even walked a few hallways with a new baby at the age of twelve.

I soon learned that if one child was asleep, one was awake. If one child was fed, another might decide once again he was hungry. If one child was dropped off at an event on time, another child was picked up late. If one child had an amazing macaroni model of the Golden Gate Bridge, another child didn’t get their spelling homework done. My kids had to learn to be independent, to accept failure, to take responsibility. I physically couldn’t be in control at all times. It’s the law of averages, I love average, I gave birth to average children, they had an average childhood. I have extraordinary memories of raising these little people. Best job anyone could have. Thank heavens those were the days before blogs, or the internet for that matter.

I am already bracing myself for the armed assault that will be strategized once my finger hits “post”. That is the risk of “mommy blogging” but, here’s the thing, in spite of what child rearing experts want us to believe, it’s not rocket science, it’s not brain surgery, let me think of another metaphor, I can’t. Let’s begin by saying, mommy advice is something that no MAN should ever write a MANuel for. Except perhaps for the guy who started it all, Dr. Spock, not the “live long and prosper” one, (probably should listen to his advice too), but rather, Dr. Benjamin Spock.He was a man with a message but even he had a female whispering in his ear and was heavily influenced by his meditating second wife, who finally at the age of 75, got him to try a pair of blue jeans.

Many of you parents who are under the age of forty, may have never heard of Dr. Spock. Dr. Benjamin Spock wrote the book “Baby and Child Care” in 1946. I like his message that mothers know more than they think they do. We do, we know enough, we have gifts and talents beyond compare to any man when it comes to caring and nurturing our children. Not that men can’t be great parents, obviously, but our gut is geared for nurturing. Men’s guts are geared for…well, that is another blog altogether.

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Dr. Spock’s ideas about raising children influenced many generations of parents as he encouraged them to be more flexible and affectionate and to treat children as people and not possessions. His book came out at a time when families consisted of at least four children, playpens, and slides at the parks. He was later blamed for those darn hippie kids who started the “free love” movement in the sixties. See what happens when you love your kids and not whip them in the shed? Who knows if this is true, but in his later life he wrote a book advising parents to feed their kids a whole food plant based diet. I really like this guy.

His words need to be re-read as his advice went against the previous books of the time which advocated for children learning to sleep on a regular schedule, not picking them up when they cry and feeding them on a schedule rather than on demand.

I thought that all children were free range cherubs until the 80’s but I guess not. I guess, even previous to 1946, there were Nazi parents.  How did parent-led schedules creep back in to our lexicon and mind set? What kind of adult even considers creating a child if the thinking is that this helpless little human will not infringe on their plans to binge watch “House of Cards”? If that is your mind set, just don’t do it! You really can’t have your cake, HBO, bunko night, pick a hobby, and children too, for awhile at least.

The problem with the “my way or the high way” mentality of raising kids is thus creates the proverbial helicopter parent. If you can control when and how they eat, who they will play with, (even the Beaver was allowed to play with Eddie Haskell),which diseases they will get, when their serotonin kicks in, when their melatonin will kick in, prevent limbs breaking, or scrape a knee, heck, you should be the leader of a nation, maybe not a free nation, but at least the PTA president. You find yourself so filled with pride for your little soldiers that you want to command an entire company, virtually or literally in any type of gathering. You may even want to place some initials behind your name like, CEO, child executive officer. If you gave up a six figure income to stay home and raise your kids, maybe that’s what your climbing towards?

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My point is, child rearing usually comes naturally unless the parents are mentally ill, abusing drugs or alcohol, or reading too many child rearing advice books. Books which scare the be-geezzus out of expectant mothers, books that tell lactating women to only nurse for ten minutes, books that instruct parents to let children cry it out, books written by men especially and dare I say, books written by a parent of only two girls. They should be ignored and the authors put on the list of potential terrorists. More voices need to rise up and cry out, “I already know what to do, I’m a woman in tune with my instincts, not yours!”  Put on a set of pearls, kick your kids outside and tell them to not come home till the cars turn on their headlights.

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“Are all Your Children from the Same Father?” and Other Stupid Questions!

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Laura Young has a gaiety to her voice that you wouldn’t expect from a mother of seven children. Yes, I don’t stutter, I said SEVEN! The oldest is fourteen so you do the math! What is even more remarkable though is that two of those kiddos have been diagnosed with Autism.

Laura continued working off and on after her little guy was born. She recorded normal progression until he was about eighteen months. It was then that a day care provider hinted that he might have Autism. This story is repeated a gazillion times in the Autism world. The denial, disbelief, fear, disappointment and finally the call to action. Laura already had baby number two when all of the testing and the evaluations were complete.

It was a challenge that Laura and her husband were willing to take on, conquer, accept and live with. He was their bright light and a gift. When child number five was also diagnosed with Autism, Laura cried. This was too much. But, it wasn’t too much, it was enough and “enough is as good as a feast”, so says Mary Poppins! Feast they have done, they feast on the joy of a large family, five boys and two girls. They feast on determination and positive energy. Laura shares her crazy days with the world on her blog, “Today’s Dose of Sanity”. She also has two other blogs that highlight her endeavor to home school and to eat a raw food diet. Aren’t seven children enough of a challenge? I would at least want my plant food warmed up!

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We had a fun chat this morning and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

PLEASE COMMENT or REPLY to this post below in the comment section. I would also love you more than air if you would become a tried and true follower! CLICK up in the top bar where it says, “follow”. SEE? So very simple, much simpler than seven children!

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My Ducks in a Row

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I don’t know if every mother has this dilemma but I never seem to be able to gather all of my chicks under my wings at the same time any longer. Once they left the nest, there always seems to be someone missing when we gather. However, this last Saturday, I did it! All six of my children gathered for a fun run called “The Bubble Run”. I was still missing one grandchild but 99.9% of my people ran through colored bubbles with me. The excitement in their faces, the joy in their squeals, and the happiness everyone was feeling was celestial. If there is an antibiotic for the disease of “empty nests” having your loved ones, run through rainbow bubbles is the medicine.

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August is half over and school will be starting soon. Vacations are winding down, schedules are tightening up, the air is getting crispy and another year is almost logged. I am grateful for this fun afternoon and know that it is rare and therefore precious.

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Choose Today To Choose Life and Purpose, Nancy Byrne Shares her Wisdom

Are you writing your life script or are you following one that was given to you? Nancy Byrne wasn’t given many choices when she was a child.; in fact, she prayed to God that he would allow her to die. Her father tried to kill her many times and wasn’t afraid to tell her he wished she would die. Her fear of water came from an incident where her father took her out to the lake, swam out with her in a tube, pulled the tube out from under her, and swam back to shore.  The drunken buddy that was with her father was sane enough to swim out and save her. She was beaten and sexually abused by an alcoholic father until she escaped with the help of others at around seventeen. She thought that getting good grades would give her the tools to get out and so she chose to study and follow the rules. She was right. Others outside of her home saw her potential and helped her get a job and become independent.

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She didn’t share her childhood horrors with many but the few that she did tell urged her to write them down, write a book they said. She tried. When she showed her friend what she had written, her friend said, “oh no, you can’t write this, this is horrific!” But, one day she awoke and the spirit told her to write. Nancy knew that the words that were being written now came from a different place, a different intention, a different dimension.

Even after her book was completed she listened to the advice of humans who dissuaded her, told her it was impossible to get a book published in these days. So, she listened to them, shelved her manuscript once again and let it sit. She was prompted once more and decided to listen to the inner voice within instead of the people without. A few months later, she was speaking at a Louise Hays event and signing copies of her book for the hundreds in line to meet her.

Nancy Byrne is the author of the new book, “Choices”. Byrne majored in psychology at the University of Colorado Denver for both graduate and undergraduate. She has worked for an adolescent psychiatric treatment hospital, a women-in-need-of-group-support program, a rape crisis center, a major police department as director of a victim services unit and several high risk shelters for adolescents. Byrne states, “It is my soul’s desire to ‘give back’ to the Universe and to serve by assisting others on their life’s journey.” More information is available at www.choices-nlb.com

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